Successful Christian Parenting, Part 1

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. — 2 Timothy 3:14–17

For the next two week’s we are going to talk about Christian Parenting. Many of you are parents and I have no doubt that if you pay attention, you will find much instruction from our time in this passage.

But what about those of you who are not parents?

All I’m going to talk about for the next two weeks pertains to how to help someone grow in godliness. So one way to listen to these sermons would be to apply all of it to yourself. Indeed, it is key for everyone listening to apply these truths to themselves even if they do have children.

And there’s a second way for those without children to listen to these messages. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the culture is in real trouble. 30% of young adults leaving a Christian home also leave Christianity. That number is deceptive. It is talking about people who self-identify as Christians. 30% walk away from the title completely. Many more walk about from the basic doctrines of the faith, accommodating the spirit of the age, while retaining the basic title of Christian. Our very national identity depends on a significant reversal of these trends.

In an address entitled “The Kind of Revival We Need,” Charles Spurgeon said,

We deeply want a revival of domestic religion. The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the Puritans, but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship, no restraint upon growing sons, and no wholesome instruction or discipline. How can we hope to see the kingdom of our Lord advance when His own disciples do not teach His gospel to their own children? “Oh, Christian men and women, be thorough in what you do and know and teach! Let your families be trained in the fear of God and be yourselves ‘holiness unto the Lord’; so shall you stand like a rock amid the surging waves of error and ungodliness which rage around us.

And if this was true in Spurgeon’s day, how much more is it true of ours?

So whether you are a parent or not, it is absolutely in our collective best interest to support any effort aimed at bringing about a revival of bible based Christian parenting.

Now as I alluded to a moment ago, our passage today is remarkable. I would say it belongs on the Mount Rushmore of Bible passages about parenting.

I would say we have at least three essential parenting texts in the scriptures:

Firstly, we have Deuteronomy 6:4-7

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Secondly, we have Ephesians 6:4

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Thirdly, we have the whole book of Proverbs. Where we see parenting in action on every page.

And finally, we have this passage in 2 Timothy 3:14-17.

The Aim

One of the things I love about this passage is that it shows the aim of Christian parenting.

Look at vs. 14,

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

I don’t know of another bible verse that so clearly describes the basic goal of parenting. The goal is to be able to say to your adult children, “continue in what you have learned and firmly believed.”

It’d be pretty difficult to overstate how magnificent this little sentence is!

We have a young sister church in Bozeman Montana that has encountered some but pretty tough sledding. Namely because of property costs. They’ve lost several meeting spaces due to rent increases. Young families are having to move away because they can no longer afford to live there. A city official confided in one of our guys that about 50% of the young people in Bozeman are trust fund babies with millions and even billions of dollars at their disposal.

Timothy was a trust fund baby — only with the greatest treasure. Every parent listening to this message ought to have the aim to make their children trust fund babies.

Proverbs 13:22 says, A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children. And there is no greater inheritance than the gospel.

“Three bricklayers are asked: “What are you doing?” The first says, “I am laying bricks.” The second says, “I am building a church.” And the third says, “I am building the house of God.” The first bricklayer has a job. The second has a career. The third has a calling.”

It is essential that Christian parents see their work as a calling. You really are building up the household of God.

If we have kids, we have a high and holy calling. Or as Spurgeon also said, “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”

And in addition to the aim, this text presents us with two key strategies.

“Tolstoy opens Anna Karenina by observing: “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”All happy Christian homes are filled with the word of God.

God’s Word — which we will handle today
Godly Influence — which we will handle next week as we conclude our series on this book.

The primary tool of effective Christian parenting is the word of God.

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. — 2 Timothy 3:14–17

It is interesting to note, that perhaps the central verse related to the inerrancy and sufficiency of the scriptures is located within the context of child-rearing. We are free to apply this text to a wide variety of areas, but let us be sure to see that primary place of application.

The scriptures are provided to parents to teach, reproof, correct, and train their young men and young women so that they may be men and women of God, complete and equipped for every good work.

Every home has certain questions that get asked over and over agin.

What’s for dinner? 
How was your day?
What are we doing tonight?
Has anyone seen my keys?

Great Christian homes ask one question over and over again.

“What does the Bible say?”

Not only does this passage commend the communication of scriptures. It tells us something even more specific. Look back at the beginning vs. 14, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed…”

Lock into that phrase, “have firmly believed.”

That’s the real trick isn’t it? We aren’t content with the mere communication of the faith, we want successful transmission. And admittedly, this is something only God can do. We can teach our children the scriptures, but we cannot will them into conversion. And yet, if we use the scriptures the way they intended to be used, we can prime their hearts to receive the gospel with joy.

Look back at verses 14-15 again,

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

If you have your bibles, underline the phrase, “which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

We can teach the Bible to our kids in a way that can make them wise for salvation.

What do you think that means? How is someone made wise for salvation?

Friends, this is speaking of the role the law plays in provoking a person’s conscience to see their need for the gospel. Remember, when Paul is talking about the sacred scriptures of Timothy’s youth — he is talking about the Old Testament.

Earlier I mentioned that 30% of young people leave Christianity all together. And again, I believe that number is even higher than that when you account for those who keep the name Christian but depart from orthodoxy.

Older generations would’ve assumed this statistic has developed from one particular problem.

“There is no point upon which men make greater mistakes than upon the relationship which exists between the Law and the gospel. Ignorance of the nature and design of the Law is at the bottom of most religious mistakes.” — John Newton

In short, the general recommendation of the text is to teach our kids the Bible. Let them be raised in bible saturated homes.

And the specific recommendation of the text is to teach them the law so that they may be wise unto salvation. Consider this from Martin Luther,

“Therefore learn, who can learn, and learn well, so that we may know, first the Ten Commandments, what we owe to God. For if we do not know this, then we know nothing and we will not inquire about Christ in the least. Just like we monks did who either held Christ to be an angry judge or despised him entirely in the face of our imaginary holiness. We fancied we were not in sin, which the Ten Commandments show and punish; but we had the natural light of reason and free will, and if we lived according to that, as much as we were able, then God would have to bestow upon us his grace, etc. But now, if we are to know Christ as our helper and Savior, then we must first know, out of what he can help us, not out of fire or water, or other bodily need and danger, but out of sin and the hatred of God. But whence do I know that I lie drowned in misery? From no other source than from the Law, that must show me what my loss and disease are, or I will never inquire for the physician and his help.”

Matthew Henry puts it this way,

“The commandments of the Lord are pure, holy, just, and good. By them we discover our need of a Savior; and then learn how to adorn his gospel. They are the means which the Holy Spirit uses in enlightening the eyes; they bring us to a sight and sense of our sin and misery, and direct us in the way of duty.”

Just so we’re all on the same page, we are seeing the great aim of Christian parenting, we want to be able to say to them —

“continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed” (14)

And the main supporting strategy given to accomplish this are bible saturated homes.

“and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings (15a)

And then within that broad strategy of bible saturation, we have an important point of emphasis. Teach them the law, the holy standards of God so that they can be made…

“…wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” (15b)

1. How to Teach the Law

Just so there’s no confusion, let me clear about what I mean by the law. God’s salvific work happens in two phases, most broadly labeled law and gospel.

The law highlights our need for salvation. The gospel provides the means of salvation.

It would be wrong to say that the law is located in the Old Testament and the gospel is located in the New Testament. There is plenty of gospel in the OT and plenty of law in the NT. The law is simply the righteous requirements of God designed to bring conviction to the conscience. The gospel is the righteous fulfillment of the law by Christ meant to produce relief and joy to the convicted conscience.

To be very specific, parents should, at minimum teach and talk about and use the 10 commandments as the law of their home.

And in addition to the 10 commandments, parents should teach their children the sermon on the mount. Which is found in Matthew 5-7.

These texts in particular make a person wise unto salvation.

I remember like yesterday, a night when the kids were very young. Wesley had just emerged on to the scene. Sarah and Brooke were very young. Sarah had gotten the chicken pox — and it was a bad case. And then Brooke got the chicken pox — and it was a very light case.

So Sarah was in her bed living the life of Job. Scratching herself with a piece of clay pot. And Brooke was running a light temperature with a barely any actual pox.

One night during this ordeal, Angela and I were asleep and we awoke to a sobbing Sarah standing by our bed. And we asked, “what is wrong?” And she said, “I sinned and I feel really bad about it.” And we said, “Ok, well what did you do?” I’m thinking to myself, you couldn’t have done much — all you’ve been doing is laying in bed watching Barney tapes. She said, “I hated Brookie in my heart.” And she just kept repeating that. So we asked, “what do you mean?” And she said, “I hated Brookie in my heart because she said the chicken pox were fun and not a big deal and I then I hated Brookie in my heart.”

So we told her that Jesus will forgive her because he died to forgive her and that she should trust him and go back to bed.

Now can you think through all of the instruction that had gone into making that moment possible? We were asleep, but the law was at work.

Somewhere along the way, Sarah had been taught Matthew 5:21-22 where Jesus says,

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

So while we were asleep, the law was making her wise for salvation. It was showing her her sin.

Friends, since at least the 1960s, Christian parents have been conditioned to believe that the primary reason young adults abandon the faith is due to their being brought up in an overly rigid and law based environment.

In contradiction to that, I would draw your attention to is that when these young people depart the faith, they typically run into more legalistic contexts. The unconverted young people of the west are some of the most legalistic people on the face of the earth.

Careful to use the proper pronouns.
Eager to levy the law on the population — carbon taxes, mask and vaccine requirements.
Often following strict diets.
Eager participants of cancel culture.

So I would argue that legalism isn’t the problem it is made out to be. They aren’t running away from law — only God’s law. Rules are not the problem. They love rules. One of the best selling books to young women is entitled All the Rules, Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mrs. Right. That book has sold millions of copies. One of the best selling books amongst young men is entitled 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos.

We need to let go of the myth that rules are the problem.

In addition to being illogical, it is unbiblical.

The Bible teaches us very clearly that God’s rules make us wise for salvation. And we have to get rid of a very shallow understanding of the role of fear. The scriptures, in particular the law makes us wise for salvation. Does anyone remember what Proverbs teaches us about the root of wisdom?

Proverbs 9:10 — “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”

Listen to what Spurgeon says to a crowd before he presents them with the gospel:

“…there is war between you and God’s Law. The Ten Commandments are against you…The First one comes forward and says, “Let him be cursed, for he denies me. He has another god besides me; his god is his belly, he yields homage to his lust.” All the Ten Commandments, like ten great pieces of cannon, are pointed at you today, for you have broken all God’s statutes, and lived in the daily neglect of all His commands. Soul! You will find it a hard thing to go to war with the Law. When the Law came in peace, Sinai was altogether on a smoke, and even Moses said, “I do exceedingly fear and quake.” What will you do when the Law comes in terror, when the trumpet of the archangel shall tear you from your grave, when the eyes of God shall burn their way into your guilty soul, when the great books shall be opened, and all your sin and shame shall be published? Can you stand against an angry Law in that day?

Now I want to be very clear. God has given us the one two punch of law and gospel.
You will not be able to raise up a Timothy if your home is only law.
You will not be able to raise up a Timothy if your home is only gospel.

Conclusion:

Thought my study, I was reminded of the story of David, desiring to build the temple but being kept from doing so. He could not build the temple. But he could lay up all the materials needed so that when his son rose to power, Solomon could quickly finish the work of David’s heart.

Friends, we cannot convert our children. But we can carefully lay out all of the material needed. That material is found in the word of God. In both the law of God and the gospel of God.

Oh friends, I now speak a blessing over you — one of the richest blessings I could ever wish for you. May you have the joy of being able to say to your older children one day — “continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it.”